The Reality of Small

If there is one thing I am learning this year, it's that the deepest contentment is found in facing reality.

It's a universal lesson, but one that I have repeatedly observed during my time here in China and abroad.

And no one embodies this more for me than 王学富 (Wang Xuefu).

I first met 王学富 when I began working at 直面心理学研究所 (Zhi Mian Institute of Pyschotherapy) in Nanjing. Founded in 2003, this center directly works with the challenge of facing reality, yet with emphasis on Chinese history and culture. Pulling in Chinese writers and scholars such as Lu Xun and Confucius, 王学富 has created a space for dialogue and questioning where emotions and culture are brought together. It is only when this union takes place, that we as humans can fully face reality, fully exist.

He writes, "People have two basic concerns: One is to survive; one is to exist. The former only asks to go on living; the latter asks for meaning. The former concerns itself with how to live, the latter with why to live, the meaning of living."

I don't think, as an American, I will ever fully understand the influence a more than thousand year history can have on a country. The way a Cultural Revolution and government influences change the mindset and lives of it's people to push aside inner feelings and cultural questioning.

But 王学富 does.

As we sat in a Muslim noodle shop one of the first weeks in China, I was immediately drawn to 王学富 and his humanness, his down-to-earth demeanor. Between slurps of noodles, he would pull up his recent essays regarding 直面 and this idea of "facing reality." Handing them to me, 王学富 would ask me to read them and then paraphrase what was written - all in Chinese.

Looking back, I value the times in which 王学富 shared his knowledge and thoughts with me. Besides, he is in high demand these days.

Many Chinese people "flock" (but seriously, they do come in swarms) to listen to the wisdom of 王学富. As someone who spent time studying in the United States and now seeking to bring Eastern and Western psychology together for a holistic approach, 王学富 is a pioneer in his field here in China. Though, he isn't the first to put forth the idea of pushing against the system.

He himself will say his inspiration is 鲁迅 (Lu Xun). A Chinese writer, 鲁迅 created the idea of the Iron House - one that cages us in, limiting our personal growth and ability to exist on a holistic level. But we have to push the system.

Even eight months into my time here in China, I struggle with relationships here. I get angry at my myself, wondering what I am doing wrong, how I can change my habits to better enter in relationships here.

But 王学富's words have brought me comfort. When we truly begin to unearth all the complexes of a culture, we realize how our own culture can blind us from this.

I must accept the influences a long history has had on its people. I must accept how my own culture has lead me to view relationships as having certain characteristics.

And so, watching 王学富 use his knowledge of his own culture, passion for literature and psychology to "establish people" on the road to facing reality, has not only helped me better understand Chinese people, but also ask myself how I can better face my reality.

I think the call to action can be found in "The reality of the small," a term coined by Catholic philosopher Jean Vanier.

We aren't asked to make the headlines with our work or impact millions, we aren't all asked to travel abroad or participate in dramatic stories of change.

We are called to not forget the people right down the street.

That's the small thing we can do. And by doing that, it becomes quite a big thing.

For 王学富, he listened to his passions, to his people right down the street and created a place where people can break free of their Iron Houses.

To see his work impact so many is inspiring.

And so, here is what 王学富 and my time at 直面心里研究所 is teaching me:

- Cultural differences will always be present. Maybe we often look to hard for the similarities that we forget to celebrate and acknowledge that different is beautiful. Different is part of God's creativity.

- When we take time to listen to the words coming from other's deepest being, we will learn how to help, how to serve them.

- We don't need church, we don't even need the mention of "God" experience what is holy and authentic.

- Growth is never-ending process. Be patient.

Perhaps all of this doesn't quite fit neatly together, but just some thoughts from China. Thoughts from the journey.

As for me, I am doing a lot better. I am learning to be, to find peace in the ups and downs of this experience, to welcome all the feelings as they come, to face my reality, to offer what I have in the places I am in.

Eating lots of ripe mangoes these days. SO YUM! Willingly ordered duck blood the other day, so I guess you could say I am becoming more Chinese. Trust me, it's delicious. Learning how to relate to others. Exchanging culture with my host family. Laughing with my best friend from India, Samridhi. Reading good books. 知足常乐！

Life is good, thanks for praying.